I lay on the floor looking up at the ceiling, both proud that I’m beginning and defeated by how long I know this road will be.
“I lay on the floor looking up at the ceiling, both proud that I’m beginning and defeated by how long I know this road will be.”
At roughly 18 months postpartum with my second baby, thinking about incorporating a more intentional exercise practice for recovery and strength felt entirely overwhelming up until this point. Now that we’d passed the first year mark, though, I finally felt like I can mentally and physically approach a more purposeful practice.
What’s more is that I couldn’t really afford to keep going on without it. I was exhausted all the time, knew it would help with my postpartum anxiety, and had constant hip pain and frequent pelvic pain due to how fatigued my pelvic muscles were. I could hardly hold my son for more than a few minutes at a time. I wanted to feel better — in general, in every way.
My relationship with exercise
I was relatively active in college. While I wasn’t an athlete, I learned at a young age that exercise really helped with my mental and emotional wellbeing, so I primarily utilized it as a tool for my mental health. I’d typically run or lift weights every other day or so, sometimes more, sometimes less. My relationship with exercise was positive, and I carried this with me into adulthood.
“My relationship with exercise was positive, and I carried this with me into adulthood.”
Prior to having kids I was fascinated by birth. I listened to podcasts about labor and delivery and midwifery. I learned about the different methods a woman can choose to birth her baby and sought out exercise programs to prepare my body before and during pregnancy. I learned about pregnancy-friendly exercises, postpartum modifications, my pelvic floor, and how to strengthen my deep core. I researched prenatal vitamins and which brands were best for perinatal nutrition.
I obviously knew birth is an extraordinary physical act, but even with this education I was not prepared for just how physically grueling growing, feeding, and recovering from birthing a baby would be.
“I was not prepared for just how physically grueling growing, feeding, and recovering from birthing a baby would be.”
I had hyperemesis gravidarum during the first half of both pregnancies. All of my best intentions to prepare my body for carrying and delivering a baby went out the window, and I was bedridden for most of the first trimester, depleted and at one point even needing IV nutrition therapy. Even after the nausea let up a bit, all of those months sick in bed had turned into perinatal depression, which made it difficult to perform daily functions, especially the second time around when I had a toddler to take care of, too. Needless to say, I wasn’t exercising or getting optimal nutrition.
While in pelvic floor therapy during my fourth trimester, I learned how delivery had impacted my pelvic floor, and the way my deep core muscles had separated (diastasis recti) to make room for my growing child. Recovery would require consistent exercises that included tiny, micromovements to come back together. I learned that the strength of our pelvic muscles is connected to and affects so much more than labor and delivery, such as posture, core strength, pleasure, and pretty much everything else. In light of this, most of the aches and pains I was still having even months postpartum made a lot more sense.
Why I chose strength training
I realize now I had a lot of anxiety surrounding exercise. I had postpartum anxiety and was afraid of further exhausting or injuring myself. I needed something that felt challenging but manageable. Plus, I needed something that didn’t take much time, could be modified based on my progress, and that I could easily work into my existing routine.
“I realize now I had a lot of anxiety surrounding exercise.”
With the encouragement from my support system, which included my psychiatrist, functional practitioner, physical therapist, and my husband, strength training seemed like the right fit for safely getting back into an exercise routine. The benefits of strength training for women, particularly as we age, have become more well-known and widely discussed in wellness spaces. My husband (who has a degree in exercise science and was a certified personal trainer before becoming a teacher), mapped out a plan for me to follow that consisted of three 15-minute interval workouts per week using the weights we have at home.
I remember lying on the floor wanting to cry, feeling so far from where I wanted to be. The first few sessions are always tough, but this felt heavy in a way I hadn’t felt before. Starting was a mental battle. I was the weakest I’d ever felt, and beginning felt utterly overwhelming. My husband would gently encourage me, reassuring me that it would be over soon and reminding me that I’d feel so much better when I was done.
Strong body, strong mind
I started reducing everything down to the present moment: This one session, this one movement, this one breath. During the many months I was sick and depressed, I’d learned to disassociate — fly away, as I like to think of it — to escape what was happening in my body. Strength training required me to be fully here.
“I started reducing everything down to the present moment: This one session, this one movement, this one breath.”
Feeling into the parts of my body that felt tired and weak was helping me process the story my body was telling. A story of two difficult pregnancies, births, recoveries. Stories from further back, even, of enduring autoimmune dysfunction as a child. The story of how the anxiety of it all gets pent up inside of us and creates its own myriad of physical symptoms.
Along with proper nourishment and lifestyle habits, my focus and energy improved almost immediately. Slowly after, the movements got easier, I was able to lift more weight, and my hip and pelvic pain disappeared. I’m getting stronger every day.
When I’m trying to do an exercise that is challenging and I can feel the resistance, it’s like I’m observing my own growth in real time. It’s teaching me I have a say in my own quality of life. It’s teaching me how to push through in a way that feels empowering, and what it means to keep my commitment to myself.
“Investing in myself has taught me that I alone am worth the investment — my own joy, my own pleasure, my own ease.”
Furthermore, my experience with strength training is redefining my relationship with strength in general. So often, we’re required to be strong as a result of events or circumstances that are out of our control. Having agency over when my body is challenged and actively working through that challenge in an empowering way is not only helping me feel stronger in my body, it is also helping me feel more mentally resilient, courageous, and empowered.
So often we’re encouraged to become better for the sake of our children, but investing in myself has taught me that I alone am worth the investment — my own joy, my own pleasure, my own ease. I certainly hope to give my kids a vibrant, thriving mother — I equally hope to give that kind of woman to myself.
Kate Arceo is the Community Manager at The Good Trade. She has a Bachelor of Science from Evangel University and has over 5 years of experience reviewing sustainable home and lifestyle brands, as well as organic kids’ apparel and nontoxic cosmetics. When she’s not hosting dinner parties with her husband at their home in Southern California, you can find her sipping a latte at their local coffee house or shopping for strawberries with her kids at the farmers market. Say hi on Instagram!
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