In moments I’m lost in deep focus, I often find myself hunched over at my laptop, moving my progress bar forward, with a brain fried by a hundred tabs, news alerts, and to-do lists. The harder I push or try to “produce,” the more exhausted I feel — not just tense and tired, but actually cut off from my own intuition. Eventually, the discomfort isn’t subtle. My mind becomes jumbled and I feel totally disconnected from the softer side of myself, reacting to every perceived threat before I even have a chance to process it. (Anyone else get a straightforward email and just…cry?)
When I don’t allow myself the time to rest, I notice that frustration and “spikiness” building up inside, like I’m a cute little puffer fish that’s been pushed to her limits. Before I know it, I erupt into self-defense and lose touch with my real self.
The subsequent breakdown looks like this: I stop taking care of myself, stop nourishing my body, stop tending to my apartment and my pets in the way they deserve, and stop pursuing creative and fulfilling hobbies. It becomes more difficult for me to listen to and accept counterpoints in conflict, especially with my partner, and instead I focus on being right than really listening to the issues at hand.
Yet, I feel reconnected when I’m digging up a handful of soil to pot a new houseplant, letting the afternoon sun warm my face, biting into a strawberry that’s still sun-warmed, climbing into clean bedsheets, or getting lost in fiction, music, or poetry. These softer moments, the ones that “don’t matter” in the same way that we perceive actionable conversations and profitable progress to matter, are actually essential to our balance as humans. I argue that these moments are the feminine energy we can call on to balance the move-forward-at-any-cost energy of the masculine.
Lately, I’ve lived too deeply in my masculine and neglected the feminine. Or, to say it without the gendered language, I’ve pushed too far into the yang without allowing myself to properly embrace the yin. And both are foundational to our lives. Regardless of our gender, sexuality, or identity — the yin, or the feminine energy, however you put it, is not just for women. We can all embrace these dual energies to arrive at our truest self.
“I’ve pushed too far into the yang without allowing myself to properly embrace the yin. And both are foundational to our lives.”
What is feminine energy and who is it for?
I view feminine energy as the other side of production: Instead of focusing on output, this energy invites us to consider the inputs that are creating the ebbs and flows in our lives. Feminine energy, like the moon, is steadfast, essential, long-term, guiding, thought-provoking, life-sustaining, and always present, no matter what phase it’s in. When you consider that in relation to the sun, which is equally essential and steadfast yet alternatively short term, illuminating, productive, and life-generating, you have an idea of what I mean when I talk about these two energies: Feminine and masculine, moon and sun. One does not exist without the other, and all the stages of the spectrum in between.
But why focus on the “feminine” when I argue we should look to find a balance that’s unique to each of us?
We all hold a balance of energies, and sometimes the softer, quieter energy goes less noticed than a loud, proactive, productive, and profit-driven energy. It’s the difference between taking a walk in a park and driving down the 405 in LA. One is non-linear movement for enjoyment, the other is progress despite the pain (and the dreaded waste of gas). Again, both valid and important energies, but it’s easy for the traffic to drown out those sweet moments of stillness that aren’t about pursuing results.
Importantly, feminine energy isn’t limited by gender or identity. I believe it’s the essential counterpoint to busyness; it’s about receptivity, creativity, intuition, nurturing, and cyclical living. We all deserve to make space for it; doing so doesn’t have to mean rejecting the more “masculine” energies most of us spend a lot of time with.
Because of the stigmas and oppression that femininity has faced in the patriarchal system, you might feel like embracing feminine energy invites in submissiveness and relinquishes power, making us smaller. I don’t believe that. It’s not about shrinking into a box. Instead, feminine energy has always felt, to me, like something that wants to expand and diffuse through every part of my life, bringing wholeness wherever it goes.
Ultimately, when I get too caught up in binary “feminine vs masculine” rhetoric, I try to remember all the ways these energies present in the world: Sun vs moon, sugar vs salt, creating vs consuming, music vs silence, water vs land. Neither exists in a vacuum; each, as Mary Oliver writes, “has its place in the family of things.” Feminine and masculine are both solitary and complementary — and both are needed.
How do we know we’re out of balance?
When we aren’t balanced in the ways that work for us, our lives start to feel chaotic and stressful. To quote my own mother: “If you feel like something is missing, then it probably is.” So, how do you know if — and what — you’re missing out on?
In my experience, the most obvious sign of imbalance is clutter: A cluttered mind, home, news feed, or to-do list can indicate that things are out of balance. That doesn’t mean we’re failing, it just means that there’s a need for more rest, or even more activity. This looks different for all of us; I like to think that each of us has our own “formula” for balance, and that ratio changes over time.
Personally, I notice how anger or other outbursts of emotion beyond my control might be a sign of imbalance. Conversely, ambivalence, or feeling like nothing matters, can also be a signal. Isolation and insignificance are clues too: either being too solitary, or feeling lost in the world’s noise. Balancing our yin and yang, our feminine and masculine, means we aren’t ambivalent about the world’s pain, nor are we so outraged that action is impossible. The balance between the two finds us in a space of radical compassion, where we work to soothe the pains of the world, without neglecting our own individual griefs and needs.
How to invite more feminine energy into your life
I’m not going to tell you to put on a flowy dress, pink lipstick, and dance to Taylor Swift, unless that genuinely feels joyful. When it comes to actually embracing feminine energy, it’s more about engaging with your own softness and presence in life. Reconnecting to feminine energy is an ongoing experiment; it’s not prescriptive or standardized, so I’ll share what works for me in hopes it’ll inspire your own practices.
When I’m feeling disconnected, I love to indulge in sonder by recognizing that while I am full and complex, so is every person around me. I do this during solo dates, while gazing out the window, or simply pausing in conversation to wonder: “Look at that person feeding the birds. I wonder what brought them here today?” Fierce and solitary individualism feels more masculine to me; community, connection, and empathy help me feel my feminine energy more deeply.
Or, I step outside and lose myself in nature, sometimes for a whole weekend in hot springs, but often just by slipping off my sandals and walking through grass, or inhaling jasmine on a short walk. If nature is far away, I listen to nature sounds, buy and care for a new plant, or take a shower with fragrant essential oils; engaging my senses in these ways always helps bring me back to that sacred balance.
Creativity helps, too! I make time for tactile, offline art like watercolor, crochet, writing, singing, or playing an instrument. I don’t do these things for profit or force my skill improvement, simply doing them for pleasure’s sake. And, when I consume art by visiting museums, attending lectures or theater, I always carry a burst of feminine energy with me afterward.
And, of course, with the resurgence of witchcraft on social media, I acknowledge how powerful rituals can be in reconnecting ourselves with feminine energy and bringing ourselves into balance. Some of my favorites are savoring foods fresh from the earth like herbs and berries, pulling tarot cards, or spending time in prayer, whatever that looks like for you. Practicing witchcraft, despite the fears and stigmas around it, is a reminder of how women’s intuition and feminine energy are powerful and subversive, even in the face of violent persecution.
Other things I return to when I feel my energies are out of balance:
- Meditative movement (like yoga, stretching, or slow dance)
- Boundary setting and conscious rest
- Marking transitions (lighting a candle, changing clothes, curating playlists)
- Nurturing community by writing letters, participating in gentle activism, and organizing group rituals
Why does this balance matter?
For me, nurturing feminine energy is about nurturing nuance. In a world of “hot takes” and certainty, we deserve both objectivity and subjectivity — a balance of facts and feelings — to foster real growth and understanding. Both are needed if we want a more compassionate and honest world.
This is a personal journey. It’s not about checking boxes or following a script; your connection with feminine energy is yours alone. Consider this a gentle invitation to notice what feels unbalanced, whether it’s physical, emotional, spiritual, or something else, and explore what might lie on the other end.
Whether you find that connection through ritual, care routines, wild walks, or a single moment of mindful rest, you deserve every part of your wholeness. As we sit now on the cusp of another seasonal change, I’ll sit in the sunshine, light a candle as dusk falls, and remember: Feminine and masculine aren’t just sun and moon — there’s so much magic in every sunset and moonrise, and plenty of space in between to be your truest self.
Emily McGowan is the Editorial Director at The Good Trade. She studied Creative Writing and Business at Indiana University, and has over ten years of experience as a writer and editor in sustainability and lifestyle spaces. Since 2017, she’s been discovering and reviewing the top sustainable home, fashion, beauty, and wellness products so readers can make their most informed decisions. Her editorial work has been recognized by major publications like The New York Times and BBC Worklife. You can usually find her in her colorful Los Angeles apartment journaling, playing with her cat, or crafting. Say hi on Instagram or follow along with her Substack, Pinky Promise.
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