What does it mean to live a life — not just by passing time, but instead to experience it through the lens of creative chapters? Aging is often regarded as decline, but what if it’s instead a growth of our deepest selves? What if aging signals new beginnings, with each chapter offering us fresh choices and opportunities to grow? What if we saw our lives as a creative journey, where, with every decade, we become more innovative and more accurate to ourselves?
“Aging is often regarded as decline, but what if it’s instead a growth of our deepest selves?”
As a life coach, I’m attuned to the inner growth that happens throughout a woman’s life. Each stage brings new questions and curiosity about who we are and who we are becoming. With patience, kindness, and time, we gain new insights and develop a deeper, more authentic relationship with ourselves. We can stay creatively fertile well into our later years. Jean Erdman, a dancer and choreographer, lived to 104. Georgia O’Keeffe, a modernist painter, lived to 98. Toni Morrison, a renowned author and Nobel laureate, reached 88. Jane Goodall, a primatologist, recently passed away at 91, and Maya Angelou led a full, creative life until 88. Many women continue to lead meaningful and creative lives well into old age.
“Each stage brings new questions and curiosity about who we are and who we are becoming.”
While many people in our culture are working to change perceptions of aging, our youth- and beauty-focused attitude still views aging as an unavoidable decline. In other Indigenous cultures, such as those of Native Americans and Aboriginal Australians, as well as in Mediterranean countries like Italy and Greece, elders are seen as vital for maintaining and passing down traditions, values, and practices. Through storytelling, ceremonies, and preparing nourishing meals, these elders are honored for their wisdom and guidance. They lead younger generations by preserving a history that is crucial to their spiritual, economic, and moral wellbeing.
In my work, I often try to offer a framework for embracing aging that can help to foster growth and change at various stages of life. Whether you’re in your 20s and starting your adult life, or you’re over 60 and adapting to the lifestyle changes that accompany that phase, here are my suggestions for finding purpose and intention in your inner work for each season of life.
Ages 20–40: Making your way in the world
This is a time when we step into the world, carrying messages from childhood and the legacy of our ancestors that we’ve inherited. Understanding what to keep and what to let go of from our early years is essential, but it can be complex, especially if we face this monumental task alone. Our twenties are a period of sorting through, mourning, celebrating, and processing who we are and who we are becoming — apart from the roles assigned to us as children. Who can we now trust with our deepest desires and confusions? It’s during this time that we realize our parents and caregivers are flawed humans, not the superheroes we may have believed them to be.
“Our twenties are a period of sorting through, mourning, celebrating, and processing who we are and who we are becoming — apart from the roles assigned to us as children.”
During these years, we set goals, join the workforce, and consider starting families — or not. We often face judgment for living on our own terms. Letting go of childhood beliefs and resisting the pull of conformity can be challenging, but the reward is living a life of independence.
The years from 20 to 40 were transformative for me, covering the good, the bad, and the ugly. When I turned 40, I wrote a poem about my 20s. At 40, I was going through a painful separation from a marriage that left me financially and emotionally crushed. The two decades clashed, showing the girl I was and the woman I became. It reminded me of the courage I had but hadn’t fully recognized. I boarded a plane to Italy with a one-way ticket, about $240 in my pocket, a backpack full of faith, and stepped into the unknown. This was one of my first big life risks, and it taught me to face my fears and replace them with faith — faith in myself and maybe something beyond. In the ’80s, there was no GPS, so my only navigation system was my heart. The risks I took in my 20s prepared me for the challenges in my 40s.
Some of the challenges we face during this time include:
- Exploring identity, love, and the complexity of being single or partnered.
- Navigating marriage, parenting, or choosing to remain child-free. Balancing ambition with emotional health.
- Experiencing grief through divorce, miscarriage, or disillusionment.
- Realizing that joy might not be a destination but a quiet, steady feeling of being complete, we may discover that it is an inner sense of wholeness that quietly and consistently beats alongside our hearts.
These years are ideal for exploring your core beliefs. What do you believe to be true for you, and why? Here are some practices to incorporate during this time to nurture your self-discovery:
- Consider exploring spiritual practices that honor all traditions and respect diverse perspectives.
- Create a small space in your home for reflection and creativity, even a corner with a chair and a table will do.
- Practice slowing down now so you won’t need to remind yourself to do so in your 60s.
- Prioritize solitude to understand yourself. Read widely.
- Consider incorporating alternative health practices, such as acupuncture, breathwork, and a whole food diet, into your care routine. Take your health seriously. Your body will thank you later.
- Learn from the biographies of women from different generations, such as Viola Davis and Hedy Lamarr, as well as countless others, and you will see a common thread of women striving to define their lives on their own terms, what that personal meaning entails, and what the journey looks like.
Ages 40–60: Menopause and the midlife renaissance
This stage of life can feel like uncharted territory because it’s unlike any other. In the final days of my 50s, I wrote another poem about my 40s and reflected on all the decades that led up to it — the end of my 50s.
At 50, I experienced less of a “full nest,” and I had daily realizations about my body changing, facing career challenges, and experiencing fewer domestic demands as a single parent. Although I faced new challenges while parenting and guiding my young adult children, I also had fewer domestic demands. Adrenaline was high, and I began to recognize and connect the dots from my past life choices, which brought me to where I was at 50.
“Speak kindly to yourself. This is not an ending; It’s an initiation and a fresh start.”
Today, there is more information than ever on how to care for ourselves during menopause. Learn about your options before symptoms develop. Speak kindly to yourself. This is not an ending; It’s an initiation and a fresh start.
As a woman in her sixties, I can tell you: “Better” has no age. It is a feeling, a spaciousness, a strength, and freedom that grow with you.
Some of the challenges we face during this time include:
- Menopause. Know that it is more than hormones; it can be a spiritual awakening and a chance to rewrite our stories.
- Libido may fluctuate, but creativity grows. Sometimes, what diminishes is not desire but the marriage or relationship itself.
- Grief may rise — of youth, of unmet dreams — but with imagination, new dreams emerge. Letting go of who you were might lead you to who you’re meant to become. It’s not too late.
- Romance has never been more challenging and confusing than it is in these decades.
Here are some practices to incorporate during this time to nurture your self-discovery:
- There is a lot of misinformation in the wellness field. Learn to trust yourself as your best guide. Do your research and ask questions, especially to trusted medical professionals. Explore both Eastern and Western approaches to healing. Choose what is true for you.
- Look closely at your intimate partnerships. Are you emotionally intimate with your partner, or have you outgrown each other? Can you explore the original connection to determine if it was genuine, or assess whether the relationship is salvageable? If not, consider if there’s a way to redefine it without hurting each other. This is a time for truth-telling, emotional clarity, and releasing the need to please.
- Give yourself the time and space to process the losses and changes that these years hold. Journaling, discussion, and meditation can be important tools for a deeper understanding of your emotional reaction and needs during this period.
- If you are dating, it’s often the case that people spend more time online than getting to know others in person. Make the effort to truly get to know someone, and if they don’t make time for you, move on. It’s that simple, but not always easy, because sometimes what we want and what we experience clash. Our heart and mind aren’t always in sync. When this happens, reflect on the messages you learned as a child about love. Are you still repeating patterns from your 20s and 30s that left your heart broken? If so, be gentler with yourself and take the time to understand your needs before starting any new romantic relationships.
- Many of the suggestions above for navigating your 20s–40s still hold true here. Open yourself up to the stories of other women, either in a group setting or through reading memoirs and novels.
Ages 60 and beyond: Reflecting on life and embracing renewal
At 60, I let my hair go gray. I had been dealing with some inflammation and felt my health was more important than my vanity. It’s a choice I still appreciate today. It’s one of the most freeing decisions I’ve ever made.
“This is a kind of happiness we can all share — the freedom to be comfortable in our own skin.”
The other freeing choice was embracing the joy of not caring about being “good enough” for any man to desire. I love it when I walk onto the Manhattan streets any day, hair in disarray and clothes I’ve just thrown on, and women of all ages compliment me, saying they love my haircut and “you have such great style!” I chuckle to myself and continue walking swiftly through New York City, carefree as ever. This is a kind of happiness we can all share — the freedom to be comfortable in our own skin. It’s never too late to appreciate yourself. Self-compassion truly is what it’s made out to be.
If you’ve had children and you’re now an empty nester, it’s common that you may feel a sense of emptiness that spreads across your life. But that empty space can be sacred, a time when we can rewrite our stories — again.
Some of the challenges and new possibilities that arise during this time include:
- Divorce, loss, and grief may come back — but so do clarity, grace, and wisdom.
- We may reparent our adult children while finally parenting ourselves.
- Aging is not something to fix. It sharpens our focus and reminds us that now is all we ever really have.
- What do we do with wounds that never fully heal? We learn to live beautifully alongside them and honor them for the lessons they gave us.
- New careers, new dreams, new love are all possible — even now.
- We may return to single life with peace. Many women find dating in their 60s and beyond exciting. Some people are happy without romantic partners, and this is the beauty of growing older and wiser; our lives can become more our own, with choices we make confidently and without the shadow of childhood programming and societal expectations.
This is the time to become the wise one you once needed. After all the work you’ve done in the previous decades, you’re entering into a time where you can share your wisdom with younger generations and also embrace living your life according to your own preferences and needs.
When I work with clients, I ask for their “When Stories” — those key moments that start with, “When I was…” They serve as a way to record and celebrate our lives. Share your “When I was…” story. Get comfortable embracing your playful, inner-child side. You are both the hero and the healer now.
The inner work of our lives is spiritual. It is the quiet yet strong presence that carries us through everything. It isn’t loud or flashy — but it is truly powerful.
There is no race or finish line. Each decade offers a new perspective and an opportunity to reflect on past years for lessons in love, family, and career. In older, wiser decades, you realize there was never a specific destination — only a state of simply being. Inner work isn’t about reaching perfection; it’s about becoming more of who you’ve always been — learning how, as each decade passes, this life becomes more meaningful.
“In older, wiser decades, you realize there was never a specific destination — only a state of simply being.”
Life is beautiful in all its complexities. Welcome whatever comes your way. Pain takes us deeper than joy — yet through pain, joy exists. Wherever you are, you can start fresh. Not because you’ve failed or fallen short of societal expectations, but because each day presents a new opportunity. This moment deserves your full attention, and it’s always too early to give up on yourself.
Rae Leslie is a life guide, writer, poet, artist, mother, and speaker based in New York City. Through her books, workshops, events, and mentorship, she helps people at every stage of life awaken their inner hero and heroine, reaching their highest potential through creativity and consciousness. Her work has appeared in Goop and Maria Shriver’s Sunday Paper, and she’s spoken on consciousness and lucid dreaming at Loyola Marymount University.”
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